Dear Tiger Woods,
As you take a break from the links to pretend you love your family, I'd like to offer a sincere thanks for approaching the field of adultery with all the zeal and determination you give to the sport of golf. It takes a special kind of talent to sink your penis into 15 women who not one has met a camera she wouldn't whore her shit for. There's only one word for that, sir: "Wow."
Apologies for not doing this sooner,
The Superficial Writer
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